reflecting on the teenage girl’s longing

the teenage girl’s adoration and idolization of a smaller body is multifaceted,
not simply a craving for physical ‘perfection’.
aging
the grieving of youth
of yourself
the sudden attention on you as you are transforming
uncomfortable alone, and now you are forced into a spotlight?
the smaller your body the less people can see you.
men will not leer and women will not sneer
and you can be comfortable in a shadow. behind.
you are the shadow of your present self.

your body is no longer your own.
it is the future of the population’s.
it is unfamiliar to the one person who has been with it constantly.
we are not comfortable with showing weakness.
it’s how we survive.
so we hide,
and how do we hide?
we hide in silence and in smallness.
our brains are not yet evolved enough to conceptualize our pain,
it is isolating and devastating but we must cover it.
we need control over something; nothing is ours.
physical appearance can be visibly altered by our actions,
ours alone.
we do not eat or we overeat or we overexercise or we rot.
we just want to be small.
we want to be little.

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