7/21/17

my thighs and stomach are
soft and my belly is full of
cheese and wine and fruit.
my skin is cool and pale but full and my hands
give me nostalgia for when they were small and padded with childhood’s natural safeguard.
now they are rough and leaner and a big vein protrudes from the middle of the back of each.
i often don’t recognize my body.
i look down at my forearm or feet or
feel my shoulder or hip and i don’t know who i am.
but right now, it’s okay. i am content,
i feel melancholy on the opposing edge.
soft and passionless happiness.

7/11/17-rerooting

love, peace, softness.

when i was embedded in the darkness, i was consumed by repeatedly chewing people up

and spitting on them.

a whole tub of the stuff.

the muck and gunk of depression, jealousy, bitterness, and confusion, spat with the force of the insurmountable pressure i felt, both intrinsically and extrinsically.

it’s stunning to reflect on.

my core being is so completely about finding the light, and to think that there was a time where i was too heavy to move makes me weep for my dead selves.

i don’t have a clue about my future, but i’m okay with it. i have completely shifted, and (in a rare exclusion of modesty), it was my doing, not the world’s.

the sun’s rays did not seek me out. they did not spin to encapsulate me.

i hacked at my roots and moved myself.

i took precious, precarious care of myself, dropping my dead branches and nurturing my buds.

i still have harsh winters, but never again will i go back.

my roots gently press into place. i’m staying, earth bound.

for the moment.

7/6/17

love is IT

beauty is light

found purpose is

microcosmic

dreams are part of IT

interpersonal

connection

is.    IT

the whole is purity

and purpose

 

rest in your war, wake in your peace.

don’t soak in sludge. clean.

live to share

not a machine, but powerless if not clicked in place

click

click

check

your turmoil.

solve your strife.

love your stains

take care and be well